When You Are Your Own Idol
I cannot remember a time in recent memory when I have felt as spiritually under attack as I have over the past few weeks. My mind and soul have been riddled with self-loathing and a crushing sense of failure. The weight has felt similar to my earliest days as a believer—when I was still unsure of God’s grace and often lived as though His love were conditional.
Much of what I’ve wrestled with has been hard even to articulate. Some days, I haven’t been able to put words to the ache inside me. But I’ve realized this much: the more I stare at myself, the deeper I spiral. I’ve been guilty of fixing my gaze inward—on my performance, my shortcomings, my “not-enoughness”—instead of fixing my eyes on the One who reigns over me.
So this morning I prayed:
Father, forgive me for my self-obsession. Forgive me for worshipping myself, only to despair when I inevitably fail. What a tragedy to set up my own heart as an idol, only to be crushed by the weight of my expectations. When we worship false gods, those idols always betray us. And when the idol is our own self, we crush ourselves with shame and defeat. This is no way to live.
The Vicious Cycle of Self-Idolatry
When we are the center of our own universe, our identity rests entirely on performance. Did I do well enough today? Did I prove myself? Did I live up to the standard I’ve constructed? Inevitably, the answer is no. And so the cycle continues—worship of self followed by disappointment in self, ending in despair.
The apostle Paul described a similar struggle in Romans 7, lamenting: “For I do not do the good I want, but the evil I do not want is what I keep on doing” (Rom. 7:19, ESV). His conclusion is desperate: “Wretched man that I am! Who will deliver me from this body of death?” (Rom. 7:24).
Thankfully, the answer follows immediately: “Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord!” (Rom. 7:25).
The Freedom of Christ
Paul’s cry is not left hanging. He continues into Romans 8:1 with one of the most hope-filled declarations in Scripture:
“There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.”
No condemnation. None. Not from God, and not from myself.
This freedom is grounded in the truth of who we are in Christ:
We are crucified with Christ. “It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me.” (Gal. 2:20)
Sin no longer defines us. “So now it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells within me.” (Rom. 7:17)
We are new creations. “If anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come.” (2 Cor. 5:17)
Living Into Our True Identity
The solution to self-idolatry isn’t simply “trying harder.” That’s the same trap in different packaging. The only way out is to shift our gaze: away from ourselves and onto Christ.
When I live as though my identity depends on me, I’m enslaved to my failures. But when I live out of the truth of who I am in Christ, I am set free. I am loved. I am redeemed. I am made new.
I don’t need to worship myself. I don’t need to measure up to some impossible standard. Christ has already measured up on my behalf, doing that which I could never do.
And so, when the cycle of shame begins again, I must remind myself of this: my worth is not in me. It’s in Him.